just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina is officially offended.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
