high people should be assigned attendants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
