i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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