i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
