$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
