girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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