How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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