no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
