she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
