and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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