Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
