direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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