Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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