capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
