i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
