you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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