this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
