I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
