i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the day after is always just damage control
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
