We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
