Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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