Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
