I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize