I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
