So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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