It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize