Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
