i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
