I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
