Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
