Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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