Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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