There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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