where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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