Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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