so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
