Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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