Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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