Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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