3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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