Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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