I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
