He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
