boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
