the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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