the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
