Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
