He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
