you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
