I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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