oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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