Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
