everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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