She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
