i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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