I think i peed on brittanys purse
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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