and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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