i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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