Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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