dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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