you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All the doctor said was why
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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